How Fathers Can Win Child Custody
A work in progress from IntellectualConservative.com.
First draft - August 14, 2005
NOTE: This is a condensed version of a book that is being written on this subject. As the book is written, more will be added to this guide, until the book is ready for publication. Please stop back occasionally as we will be adding new material periodically, and will indicate when we do so. Since this guide is still in the process of being written, if you would like to share it with others, please give them the url instead of sending this article out in an email. Although this guide is geared to fathers, who are usually the most disadvantaged here, it can also be used to some extent by mothers who have been disadvantaged by the system. This guide is based on mostly anecdotal evidence from attorneys and others who have gone through the family court system, and should not be construed as legal advice.
Introduction
So you have a child with a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, and you are wondering what is going to happen to your children. The first thing you need to be aware of is this: The laws and family court system are not set up fairly towards fathers. The laws are set up to award custody to the parent who has had the most involvement so far raising the child, which means the parent who has worked the least - this is virtually always the mother. This usually guarantees that the mother will receive custody of the child, and since child support is mandatory, that you will be paying several hundred dollars in child support to her each month. Now does this make sense? It only makes sense in the past, when you were still together – in a typical relationship, the mother worked less because she stayed at home more with the children, therefore it made sense at that time that she was with the children the majority of the time. But after you have both split up, and she no longer has the option of working less hours, and in fact must get a job that will most likely pay less than yours, why should she still be seen as more fit to take care of the children? If she is working full-time (or should be, since she is now single), and making less money than you, how does that qualify her as a better parent than you? If she is working full-time, she won't be able to spend any more time with the child than you if you are working full-time.
If you believe that you are the better parent, you need to read this guide and find out everything you need to know in order to have the best chance at obtaining full custody. If you choose not to get full custody of your child, not only are you in for a lifetime of emotional headaches but a lot of child support – which you will find does not all get spent on your child. It is almost impossible to get an accounting required of the money - only in extreme circumstances like blatant drug abuse by the mother will the court require a custodial parent to track what they spend their child support income on. The amount of child support you will end up paying as your child grows up is enough to buy a nice house. Let’s say you split u p with your ex, and you have two children together, ages 1 and 4. The court orders you to pay $500/mth per child, based on your $45,000/year income, until the children turn 21 (some states end child support when the child turns 18, and others require it through age 21 and beyond). By the time your children are grown, you will have paid $444,000 in child support. The main cost of raising a child is childcare; outside of childcare (which ends around age 12), do you really believe that $1,000 is being spent on your two children each month? If you think you are subsidizing your ex, you are right. The main reason why the system is set up this way? The government would rather have you subsidize her than pay for her going on welfare. And the feminists have convinced the lawmakers and judges in society that women shouldn't have to work to support their children if they don't feel like it.
See the original article in its entirety here.
posted by One man at 1:12 PM
19 Comments:
Your assumptions & stereotypes amaze me. It sounds like you've generalized a personal situation into war. I'm a single mom and I don't meet any of your "qualifications"
#1 I make more money than my ex #2 I've worked full time since day 1 and had to because he certainly couldn't afford insurance or prenatal costs #3 He's seen his kid 5 times in 10 months.
Not all women are lazy, vindictive or trying to screw the man. I just want a little help with the thousands I've spent on lawyers, daycare and medical bills. The amount awarded me in court is barely enough to cover groceries for my daughter.
Try walking in my shoes for a second or two.
you are a vindictive bitch and this this is coming from a female single mother of 2. I refuse to beg a man for help if he doesn't want to and if you have worked since day 1 then you don't need help. you should be like me be able to hold my head high knowing that i didn't have to resort the child support. you are foul and whatever you do your children will suffer for it
I have been a single dad for 10 years (1 boy,2 girls)with no child support (dead beat mom) and am happy to see changes within the courts that give more responsible men rights to raise their children. I think they have found it beneficial from many perspectives. The statistics will only serve to continue this trend as the drop in poverty, suicide rates, teen pregnancy etc supports this stance. I would like to see more men come together in support of each other in this role and share the things unique to being a single father. As most of us are aware the overwhelming majority of support out there is geared toward single mothers. We are over 2 million. There are now more places to find advice.You can do it!!! It is all about loving your kids. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.
My daughter is almost 2 years old now. I did not see her born because the mom did not want me present. when she was born i took the mom to court and set up a stipulated parenting agreement act. I been paying child support and am fully paid up. The mother is not following the stipulated plan and uses the excuse she is a student two days out of the week not to work. She lives at home with her parents and gives me a hard time to see my daughter. I have moved on in life and am bettering myself not only as a dad but as a successful person. All she is doing is living off her parents,state funding such as medicad, day care assistance and wic. I pay for individual health insurance for me and my daughter. The mother would rather lie to the state and say she lives with her grandparents who live on social security so she can qualify for state funding. I have hired to attorneys and still only have a six hour visit saturdays. I am fed up of her using my daughter who i love and support as a tool. I called and reported her to the state for the medicad. Men really need to work hard at getting these court systems to change. Not every dad is a low life like my dad who i have not seen in ten years who owes over 20,000 in back child support. This is a child not a tool and if u are a female who has a ex who is there for your child and pays child support you really need to open your eyes. I am going for full custody this month and will do anything to get it.
If being a father is so important to you, why do you not think of that before they are taken away!!!
ladies, make them towe the line, or they never will!!!
Grow up boys!!!!
My fiance and I have worked hard to earn our degrees, and I am currently working on an MBA while working as and accountant at a tax firm. Raising a child is not easy, but the mother got custody, because her parents wanted the child and they had the money to pay the golfing buddy of the judge. My fiance and I recently considered getting a house, because of the $8000 credit, and we took his son with us to look at houses, so he eventually mentioned it to his mother. Then all of a sudden her parents were no longer going to provide insurance for his son, which we pay for. She hasn't worked in 3 years, and has been living with her parents and is "trying to obtain an associates degree in nursing" that she has another 2 years to finish (total 5 years!). She doesn't pay for daycare, food, living, and randomly dumps the childen on us when she is going on vacation (during school).
So, yesterday she called wanting to take us back to court, because she wants to but the child on CHIPS. My fiance and I want him on good health insurance, but she freaked when she saw the deductable, because if anything happens to him she has to split the bill and the deductable is not that bad and again she only has to pay half, if something were to happen. If she had a retail job full-time while living with her parents she would be fine, but she refuses to work, and she hasn't really worked (for more than 3 months) since she found out she was pregnant.
I have never meet or thought females existed like this before. She is more concerned about getting money from us, which is the reason why she is taking us back to court, than her own child's health. We pay the health insurance, but her parents are no longer going to provide for her, and you can obviously see why.
Unfortunately her parents are well off, and they want the kid, but we will try for joint custody again, but this time role reversal. She will get her son on hoildays and every other weekend.
What a bunch of liars and chickens....every anonymous comment is just bull and you know it!
at least the author isn't hiding their opinions, experience or who they are. everyones situation is different and as such people should think twice about what they say under the cover of anonymity.
Michael Cox Kansas
This is what happen to me (1) My girlfriend at the time cheated on me with a x convict (2) she lied and said she was on birth control (3) I payed $600 to get a DNA test done (4) My son was born with a heart problems and almost died and she let the other guy visit and hold him (5) She taken me to court for child support and custody (6) The court tell me to get a life and too f*cking bad and deal with it. Get two jobs and pay her. When I am a 26 year old male that has not had a child in till now. So where is the fairness in this. She get WIK, SSI, WELFAIR AND $700 month from me plus her own job. That adds up to about $3000 a month. All i get is now $500 a month to myself to live on. You all tell me what is right and wrong. I really do think the Gov needs to take a new look at women. They are just as bad as men. But they get all the easy ways out in life. They say this and that when all they really care about is there self's.
Here in Ireland there are a huge number of suicides because men are denied access to their children.
Anyone who really thinks that women do not use children (even if it harms them) to create pain and exercise control to gain money is utterly disconnected from reality.
This will change and issues like PAS and mother child abuse, systemic false claims of abuse, refusal of grandparents rights etc are morally repugnant. A generation of women have destroyed their childrens chilhoods and the men they married for sexual and social whims.
The kids know, the fathers know, the grandparents know.
Someone here used the word war if this does not change there indeed should be war and for once it would be for a good reason - the right of a child to see their father.
You have let your children, your homes, your living WHY NOT RISE NOW to save our sons from despair.
Those who disagree - screw you - YOU ARE THE ENEMY
YOU ARE OUR CHILDRENS ENEMY
me and my missus have just broken up. we have an 18 month old boy. she is getting really nasty threatening to stab me and pay someone to bash me she has pulled a knife on me before. I love my boy sooo much. i spend all my time with him when im not at work playing and teaching him. she will only tell him to stop crying. she only works 3 days a week but my boy is at kindy. she has 2 other children who i love also but they are to 2 different fathers so now she will have 3 children to 3 different fathers is there a pattern. i am finding it hard not to to threaten or go off at her but i know thats what she wants. she is also saying i wont see my boy. I know its not about my ex its about my boy. hopefully when we go to court she will be really narky at me because i will be there for my boy not her they might see through her. sorry for rambling im scared and aching. she has done it twice before she knows what to expect.
wow you really are ignorant. you may be thinking this is the 1950s or something. women can't fricken stay home anymore. or atleast the good ones dont! im not saying all stay at home mothers are bad but i am sorry i think its a cop out they dont work and then i hear them all whining about their husband who does work comes home and doesnt help with the house or kids. ummm ok thats what you signed up for being a "stay at home mom" your JOB is your housework and kids. so anyway i choose to make my kids a fun thing rather then my "job" i work full time always have. my husband is an alcoholic and verbally abusive to me and my 2 toddler girls 5 and 3. he is very revengeful for me not taking him back after he left us for a random girl he met after only 3 weeks. so anyway.. he's filed for emergency temporary orders of custody for keeping him from his kids...um he has no where to take them, no job, no car. he still drinks, and what the heck am i supposed to do. just let them go to be in danger?? do you not watch the news? parents killing their babies for revenge everyday and i am supposed to trust him after all he has done to hurt us? he has criminal property damage charges for slashing that woman's boyfriends tires. 2 weeks after leaving us. so you know a chick for 1 month and decide slashing another persons tires for her is a good idea? ummm ya that sounds like a sane person. he can't take care of himself and im supposed to share joint custody? well im sorry joint custody to me is asking the courts for 50% time off. i dont want any time off from my kids. i want them full time. im sorry they are too much for HIM to handle 100% of the time he shoulda really thought about that before having kids. and no i wont go lightly giving up my precious time with them. i work full time to support them on my own. my hours are already limited. he's gonna have to fight for his time and im gonna fight to keep mine. anyone who doesnt fight for their kids is not doing their kids justice!he is the one who left us. he let us go. and i know that saying is if you love someone let them go and if they come back its meant to be well...... HIS STUPID ASS LET ME GO AND I AINT EVER COMING BACK! and until he proves he is a responsible, civil, human, adult male, that can treat me and his daughters with the respect that we deserve after taking care of his psycho drunk as for so long.. then he can have his fair time with his daughters. until that happens i will never stop fighting for my girls to have the daddy they deserve. whether that's gonna be him or not i dont know. time will tell. but if it has to be its gonna be another man. a real man. because i will find them a daddy if their biological father can't ever get his shit straight. time doesnt stop while he "heals" we are moving forward and so should he. no reason anymore for arguing or fighting. its done its over. he did it and he has to live with it. if other women accept getting punched in the face from their husbands and decide to stick it out well sorry thats not my choice for me and my kids. and you can judge me all you want in the end there are 2 little girls who deserve to be protected and god dammit that's my JOB as a mother even if its from their own father.
CONTINUED FROM ABOVE. SEE SLASHING TIRES STORY COMMENT..
your stupid book (and every other one like it) is written on sidedly and these stupid rants about fathers rights DO NOT help protect our babies. you may be right about how the courts are swayed but if you are 100% legit father keep fighting for you kids then. stop whining that it should be given over to you. its NOT your RIGHT to be a father, just because you impregnated a female. its your MORAL OBLIGATION to do whats right for that child even if you hate doing whatever that is. if its child support or letting your kids grow up with their loving mother for now then you DO THAT. kids need both parents yes. and stop thinking just because you dont have them everyday dang day you lose out on being their father. you dont. they will love and appreciate you more as their father if you show respect and COMPASSION toward their mother. no matter how horrible she is or what she does to you. just let your defenses down already and come to the table willing to do whatever it takes for however long. and i promise in the long run those babies will love and respect you for it long after the custody battle is over. as adults they will look back and love and thank you for not putting everyone through these nightmare court battles. just go in there and put it all out ont he line this way and i guarantee you get more time with your kids. its you retard angry selfish fathers who dont want to pay money to the mother that are losing out and its all your own fautl. you waltz in there talking about "your rights" blablablah.. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. the judges see right through that. if you care about YOURSELF first then sorry you are not a good parent. you are not the best parent. the parent who goes in there fighting for whats fair and whats right for THE KIDS will win out everytime. sorry mothers figured this out before you jerk offs. get over yourselves and step up the to the plate and put in the work. in the end its your kids who pay the price for your anger and stupidity. so even if you may be "right" your mission to prove that to everyone even the courts is hurting your kids and YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your kids. BIBLE
Mothers (and/or fathers!) raising their children are working, even if they don't have a job outside the home. It's a more difficult, more time-consuming, and more important job than Any other. Men who love their children probably understand that it takes money to raise children. They need food, clothing, shelter, beds, activities, the list goes on, in addition to love and attention. A single parent gives the love and support of two people, but doesn't receive the physical, emotional, and financial support of somebody who loves them and their child, like a married person. Child support is a drop in the bucket. Also please consider the limitation of career options available to single parents or parents who have been unemployed for years. Dropping a career to raise a family doesn't come without consequences to one's future ability to earn money. And if she's trying to go to school, remember that most college courses recommend 3 hours of work out of class for every hour in. So a part time school load with single parenting can very well take up all of one's time. And another thing- the body works very hard to build a baby and recover- if you haven't been through it, please don't judge a person as "lazy" for not being up to par with what a single young man can do. I congratulate men who are good fathers, there are many out there. For the rest of you, get over yourselves and consider your kid's needs please. Imagine waking up every day when kiddo does, serving every meal, wiping every tear and booger, comforting when needed, coordinating appointments, paying bills, buying food, buying clothes, reading books, regulating Tv time, baths, bedtime, answering "why" all day.. and having your ex moan about helping provide for the financial needs of raising a child.
There ary many many dads out there that would love to be full time dads, but moms are givin there rights from day one while dads have to fight for them from day one. Too many moms are relying on there family and friends to raise there children while they collect child support food stamps free daycare free insurance and the list goes on while the dad would do anything to have the chance to raise his child. As time goes on the bias will slowly disapear but this generation of children will see what there moms did to them and it will reflect as they enter adulthood and can see everything there dads did for them.
I have three children with one man and him and I have spilt ways because of his drug addiction. We have a settled amount which is $300.00 per month, which to me is plenty to raise children on. He also shares half of anything extra such as ballet, baseball, school pictures ect. I think that the court systems have allowed so many women to take advantage of these situations. If my ex-husband will stay clean and show that he is responsible I would be more than willing to go back and share custody with him not for him or me, but for my children. Children deserve two parents and if the father/mother is willing to be involved why be so vindictive? My finace's ex-wife did the same she agreed to joint(or shared)custody until she realized she wouldn't get money that way then she set up a temporary child custody hearing and lost because at that point they had been doing this for 6 months and the kids were comfortable and happy with it. Serves her right money should never overcome the love for your child, NEVER! That's what is wrong with the world women/men who care more about themselves(money, revenge, etc.) than they do their children.
I totally agree with this thread. My husband was previously married with 3 children. After their divorce and his commitment to me, the mother started to use the children ad pawns and refused to let them see their father. It took 9 months and large amounts of money to get the kids back in our life. Do any of these 'sick' women know what they are doing by keeping kids away from their dads?? Anyhow, after we got 35% timeshare because she moved so far away...... he has to pay $3,000 monthly for child support. He works 2 jobs and we barley survive off of it. I work as well but CA is expensive. On top of that we have our own child and the courts refuse to give us a hardship. How is that fair?? And to this day she trys to manipulate the children in staying home on our weekends, bashes their father in front of them and continuously call child support to try to get the children and my child taken away from us. We are a drug free non abusive home. She does it out of spite. I'd like to mention that she makes over $100K a year and your BF makes over $150K so she doesn't NEED the money, she wants it. The court system is WRONG and not fair towards men. My mom never collected support from my dad, and if I were to divorce, I would take care of my self and be a self supporting women. With all the programs the state offers, you really can do it on your own. MOST and i say MOST women collect child support for revenge.
am back and better
I promised to tell the world about him that's why am posting this here...all thanks to Priest JAYEMA...there are so many fake spell casters out there I was more than scammed heartbroken and almost gave up all hope until I met with him...now am so happy...
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well its sad to see everyone bicker back n forth about whos better, that shouldnt be the case.
i felt screwed til i read this main article.
basically what my ex did was go into court and trash me. said i was lazy, wouldnt get a job. BUT because i was spending EVERY DAY with my 3 year old it was hard. the health insurance and unfortunately food stamps. are both in my name. i have NUMEROUS sign in sheets at DRs appointments that show i was always with my son, there are two children involved with another man that i am on their emergency contact cards and sign in records that I have dismissed and checked in the children late after dr/dentist appointments. oh man do i have a lot of stuff to gather up. shes under the impression the mother always wins. that'll be the downfall :)
i typically wouldnt be this vindictive involving a child. but she has two children from another man. my son is my one and only. i spent EVERY DAY with him for his entire 3 year life. never was away from him for more than a day.
im glad i found this article. i have some hope here.......
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