Idle Hands

based on a real press release, updated to reflect the truth

SEPT. 9, 2005 NO. 69-69

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
Ben Dover, Division of Child Support, (360) 663-5445
Bum Focker, Ph. D., Division of Child Support, (360) 663-5050

PUBLIC MEETINGS TO BE HELD ON GUARANTEED
INCREASES TO PAYING PARENTS CHILD SUPPORT SCHEDULE

OLYMPIA -- The public will have the opportunity cry and whine about increases to the state’s child support rate schedule that we are sure to make. We have employed the best spinners of data, known rad-fems, and the largest private child support collection agency to cook up data to guarantee that paying parents will be bent over even further. Even though our schedule now includes costs of health club memberships, and beauty salon treatments for custodial parents, we propose to now include that elusive pony that Marcus Monkey, agency critic and certified by the King County Sheriff’s office to be a political gadfly, always accuses us of having in the schedule.

The Child Support Workgroup, which consists of legislators, judges, public officials, NOW lobbyists and citizens (but citizens only after a bunch of whining from the dead-beat dad lobby) was appointed by Governatrix Christine Greg-wire’s corrupt head of OSE, violator of federal color-of-law statutes, and known father hater, Ray L. Weaver. Weaver’s appointments came as his last official act before being asked to resign under pressure and being placed on the last train leaving Washington State. “This group was carefully appointed to include only those with a ‘dog in the hunt’,” Weaver was quoted as saying. “We wanted to be sure we only had folks on there whose next paycheck depends on fomenting additional dissent, raising support obligations to drive out the maximum number of new dead-beats, and to insure that new cases, particularly guys that would have paid anyway, would come under the system, allowing us to do major chest-thumping and backslapping as we crow about the huge increases in support that we are collecting.” This will make us look like we are actually doing something, rather than just building a bureaucracy and effin’ the dog.

The forums have carefully been designed to hear only the testimony we want to hear, and will be packed with the obligatory rad-fems, NOW members, and with substantial representation from the DV industry, who will be there to oppose shared parenting. It has scheduled the Seattle meeting for Sept. 19 and the Kennewick meeting for Sept. 26, both in an undisclosed location, to make it hard for the secret patriarchy of dead-beats to find it.

“These forums will provide an overview of the current Child Support Schedule, taking up the majority of the time, then allow the public the opportunity to comment on recommended changes for the last five minutes,” said Ben Dover, director of the Department of Social and Health Services Division of Child Support.

“The workgroup has spent several months scheming on how to increase the schedule to levels far in excess of half the cost of food, clothing, shelter, guidance and a hug, and far in excess of what we know it costs to keep a child, which would be the amount we pay for foster care, and now wants to hear from two carefully selected custodial parents who do not work, and therefore can get there three hours in advance of the meeting to be first to sign up to speak, before the final recommendations are made, even though we know what those are, and will ignore any of those nasty dads who just want to get out of support, should they show up and bloviate,” he added.

The workgroup is reviewing the current rates and is scheduled to recommend changes to the carefully selected list of items which ignores the most egregious issues with the schedule, but is limited only to those items this group can see will help them build their bureaucracy. The schedule is supposedly used by courts and the state to set child support amounts, but we all know that the judges regularly blow it off, and do what ever they want, ignoring the law.

Interested persons may comment on the proposals by sending email to In your dreams @dshs.wa.gov or up your arse@dshs.wa.gov or by attending the forums. All such commentary will be printed out, then shredded without reading, to make excellent bedding for Mr. Dover’s pet rat cage.

For more information contact the division’s Flackmeisters at 1-800-I-SPIN-4-U.

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If you got this far, you will note that some stuff is in bold. All the stuff in bold is TRUE!!!!!!!

Written tongue-in cheek, but I can absolutely back up and prove the stuff in bold type, unlike the pap, fluff, and outright lies in the reports that this group is relying on to make their decisions.


Well, except maybe I can’t prove that Mr. Dover does have a pet rat, but I wouldn’t put it past him. Name is probably Dead-Beat, and he probably feeds him leftovers.

---The Geezer