Tuesday, April 25, 2006

How many children is enough to motivate you?

How many children wrongfully torn from their fathers is enough to motivate us to act?

An estimated 1,000,000 children's parents divorce every year.

In 1/3 of those cases, allegations of violence have been made in the case.

An estimated 80% of those alegations are false - meaning that out of 1,000,000 children of divorce each year, over 260,000 of them have a parent who makes a false accusation of divorce.

In 85% of cases, custody is awarded to the mother.

So at a minimim, the custody of 226,666 children per year is awarded to women who brought false charges of violence against the father of the children.

Note that it is far more likely that the 1/3 of cases where a restraining order or other allegation of violence has been made lead to a custody award to the mother. So in fact, the 226,666 number is low.

Either way, over Two-Hundred-Twenty-Six-Thousand children have their custody awarded to a parent who lies about domestic violence every year.

That's over six hundred every day.

That's about twenty-six every hour - near one every two minutes. (Well, probably one EVERY minute during the day, as family-destruction courts don't run in the wee hours of the night.)

But you may say 'well, some of those restraining orders may be issued against women at the request of men' - true enough, but it is a vanishingly small number: Consider the following from Media Radar's: Without Restraint: The Use and Abuse of Domestic Restraining Orders - few men are foolish enough, in this day and age, to call police, or expect any support from the judiciary in a domestic violence matter [emphasis mine]:

Gender Bias in the Issuance of Restraining Orders

If a man has been assaulted by his intimate partner, he should be able to obtain an order of protection. But a double standard may thwart this request.

This is borne out by research. In Massachusetts, one analysis examined all domestic ex-parte hearings held in the Gardner District Court in 1997. The analysis found that 34% of requests from men were deferred or turned down, compared to only 10% of requests from women.

According to Oregon attorney Ron Johnston, “I believe many general practice attorneys who don’t specialize in domestic relations would hesitate before trying to get a restraining order for a man, whereas there would be no hesitation at all for a woman under the same set of circumstances.”

Mr. Johnston’s statement is based on the fact that in Portland, the protective orders once featured the following gender-biased language: The respondent in this order is the natural/legal father of the below named minor children” [emphasis added].

A father suffered repeated assaults by his wife, on one occasion requiring medical treatment for his injuries at the local emergency room. Afraid for his children and for himself, he sought a restraining order. At the time of court hearing, he brought photographs of his injuries, medical documentation of his emergency room visit, and a copy of the police report. The judge’s explanation for denying the man’s request was: “Well, you have to expect one knock-down drag-out fight per divorce.”

When Abuse Victims Themselves Are Accused of Being Perpetrators

Legal bias is not the only reason that male victims are often reluctant to seek restraining orders. There have been reports of abused men who, upon requesting help from law enforcement officials, found themselves accused of being the perpetrator.

In one case, a woman severely bit her husband on the shoulder and chest. After showing the judge pictures of his injuries, the man was granted a restraining order. The next day the woman went before the same judge and, even though she had suffered no injuries, she claimed to be in “fear” for her life, saying that the man was the real abuser. On the basis of that unsubstantiated allegation, the judge reversed the original order against the wife and issued an order against the husband.

As family violence expert Murray Straus put it, “There are a growing number of complaints that attempts by men to obtain police protection may result in the man being arrested.”

A Washington State attorney gives this disturbing advice with regard to domestic violence: “Don’t call 911 unless you are bleeding and she still has a weapon in her hand. Too many men who have called 911 for help have ended up being arrested for DV.”

When government programs ignore the actions of perpetrators and encourage the arrest of victims, that’s a sure sign of a justice system turned upside down.

None of this is news to us, but is an appropriate lead-in to ask you all to respond to RADAR's call for action to defang the venomous snake that is the restraining order, removing at least this one weapon from the anti-family and anti-male forces that seem to control the judiciary to the great suffering of our children and our brothers.

Print out their resolution, and write a brief note on the top and fax it to your representatives in congress. Get the world out that this is hurting real people, real children, real men, NOW.

Hat tip to the ever-vigilant Men's Activism.Org

-M
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

D is for Decompression

Dis of the DivorcedMen blog posted this past Easter Sunday about 'The Wonder'.

You should take a moment to read it, it is a strange place to be in, and only one who has left a horrible marriage can relate to.

People write about all the terrible things about divorce, how it harms children, and the like - all true. But they forget how very hate-full people become, and how great a positive force the ability to leave a hate-full spouse can be.

I remember suddenly, being able to keep my coats and boots and other personal posessions somewhere besides the small converted bedroom that I lived in for years.

I remember suddenly not having to remove garbage from my space that my hate-filled ex dumped in it every day.

I remember suddenly starting to think about how to decorate my space, what kind of art I wanted, if I wanted some kind of pet for my children to enjoy when they were with me.

I remember suddenly not having stress when I came home, but instead thinking 'what new thing will I cook myself tonight?' or 'maybe I will go out and try that new place'.

I remember suddenly having my children with me peacefully coloring, drawing, painting, playing, without an undertone of hatred constantly directed at me by my ex.

I remember my children consulting with me on setting up my new place.

I remember blooming again, living again.

I know what gets written here is dark, and unhappy as we protest the bias against men that is so prevalent in our culture and courts.

It is good for me to remember that I complain about the bias in an existence where I have my kids, where I have a beloved new spouse, and in spite of being enslaved, very poor, and frequently sued, I am also much, much happier and more fulfilled.

My best to you in your struggles.

-M

Simulposted on MIsForMalevolent
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Women who Lie and Men who Suffer for it

It gives me great pleasure to announce that the Blue Devils Lacrosse team is clearly innocent. Their innocence is visible now to the most casual observer.

How do we know they are innocent? Well, they have timestamped pictures of the whole event, and when the woman was examined for DNA evidence NONE was found. Nothing other than her own DNA, anywhere on her body.

It gives me no pleasure to have yet another incidence of a woman who was willing to lie about men assaulting her.

It gives me no pleasure to note how quickly the normal rights of the men involved were swept aside to collect DNA from all of them (whoops, except the black man, who the false accuser excluded in what now seems clearly an act of racial hatred against the white men).

It also gives me no pleasure to note how quick the media pounced on the men, assuming the worst of them, and accusing them of throwing up a wall of silence, protecting a rapist in their midst.

Most disgusingly, it gives me no pleasure to report, that in the face of evidence that should wash this case out of any court, the DA is continuing to pursue this case. Probably thanks to no-drop plolicies and VAWA, thank-you-very-much.

But it does give me pleasure to have been one of the few who spoke for the presumption of innocence with respect to these men, and the possibility that they might actually BE innocent.

Why is it so easy to condemn men? I think it has to do with the Misandry of our culture - it's presumed that Men are evil. It's just not true.

Now we know the answer as to why it was taking so long for the DNA evidence to come out.

I want to see the young woman named, charged and punished. A man lost his job, FORTY-SIX men's reputations were damaged, a college team's season was devastated, and DUKE itself lost face and reputation, all because a young woman wanted to strike out at a group of young men. Charges are very appropriate.

My best to you in your struggles.

-M

Simulposted on MIsForMalevolent

Other coverage: TalkLeft
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