Monday, September 01, 2008

Like, Um, Brilliant

The Democratic national convention began with sadness as I saw the hope I had invested in the blank slate of Obama evaporate after his choice of Joe Biden. Not even that well crafted documentary prior to Obama’s speech by the creator of An Inconvenient Truth who almost sold me on Al Gore as something more than he is (though not on global warming) could bring me back.

Of course, most guys who began that week still drawing pictures in erasable ink on the whiteboard of Obama probably continue to do so. There are not many who have bothered to research the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), of which Biden was the chief architect, and understand that it is essentially now a political crime to have a Y chromosome. But Biden is a non-starter for anyone that has.

Then, last week began with confusion. There was “wrinkly white-haired guy” with Pay-who?

I thought this guy McCain, who normally puts me to sleep, had finally made one of those crazy, unpredictable moves the press keeps claiming he is prone to. You know, Sen. “Maverick” and so on. I thought he’d done something stupid. I thought he was out of and Obama was sure to win. I was pretty sure the small number of guys like me that actually dig deep into policy issues, constitutional law, and know something about gender feminism would suffer 4 years of Biden that would only be slightly less palatable than a President Hillary Rodham.

But, as the week progressed, it started to dawn on me that the guy that normally makes me drowsy after beginning a speech with “my friends” might actually be on to something. The media that is hell bent on getting Obama elected had actually allowed some video time of Governor Palin to slip through. I don’t think they’ll make that mistake often for the next 60 or so days. Or, maybe I only saw her when surfing through Fox News, which already has hottie news anchors that don’t feel upstaged easily.

In any case, McCain seemed cleverer to me as the week progressed. The larger picture began to come into view. And I began to realize that maybe even Washington State could be in play in this presidential election.

For a Washingtonian, a female on the ticket is no big deal. It seems mandatory here to have righteous gender feminist female politicians running things. And the few men in positions of power, like Mayor Nipples, pander to the gender feminist establishment.

But, Sarah Palin is hot. Even after birthing five kids. Now, that is something unusual. And she doesn’t hate men. That is even more unusual for any guy in the state of Washington beaten down by the triumvirate of Gregoire, Cantwell, and Murray.

I mean, think about it. Gregoire is the ugly witch from the West, complete with a mole on the nose and a smile which, when she forces it through her scowl, makes you think she is imaging a brutal torture she has planned for her mangina husband later that evening. Cantwell is the ice lady. She occasionally shows up at Mariners games with good-looking guys half her age, and the women of Seattle celebrate that Cantwell is “dating” younger men in a reversal of the image that makes them so angry – the older guy with younger woman. Never mind that the guy with Cantwell is just some gay political aid that she arranged to have tag along just to create the image. I don’t know if Cantwell is a lesbian, but I’m pretty sure she’s not much into men. Then there is Patty Murray. She reminds you of the unfortunate girl in high school who always seemed angry at the boys and you always knew it was because she was just ugly and it was obvious to all that, at best, her future had a short, frumpy, bald accountant in it. She apparently does have a husband, but either she hides him in the closet, or he chooses to hide himself there whenever she comes back from inside the Beltway.

Then there is Sarah Palin. She was runner up for “Miss Alaska.” When you’re thinking of politicians and sex, it’s usually either the image of Bill Clinton pushing himself on a young woman caught up in the stardom, or some cranky old gay bashing Republican hitting on guys in a stinky public toilet.

Now, come on, admit it! How refreshing is it to look at Palin and think, “Damn, I’d like to do her.” Then you stop yourself and realize that is a bit of a ridiculous thought. Then you think, “Well, at least her husband, the guy that does do her, looks like a cool guy to hang out with. I mean, he has hot-rod snowmobiles and stuff!” She’s hot. She’s smart. Her husband seems like a cool dude. And she doesn’t hate men. And she’s in politics?!

Now a thought emerges that maybe McCain is smarter than he looks. Maybe the “dumb, out-of-touch old white guy” the media has managed to massage into our collective reticular activator (watched many commercials lately?) does not apply to McCain.

Fast forward to the Vice Presidential debates. What a pickle Biden is in. The wannabe “tough” guy, the cowardly “protector of women.” The architect of VAWA. Up against an opponent that is a woman, is hot, is anything but a “victim,” and thinks his policies are stupid. Palin is no gender feminist. What on earth is Biden going to do? What a lovely picture that makes ….

One starts to realize that the Obama crazed media has it entirely wrong. Palin was not chosen to get a slice of the supposedly disenchanted women who voted for Hillary Rodham in the primaries. The women that voted for Hillary are a thin slice of American women, all from the Democratic party. These women are the activist types, the types that see misogyny in their morning coffee, the type that despise well adjusted women like Sarah Palin, who are hot, successful, adore their man, and don’t know the meaning of the word “victim.” Hillary's sisterhood were never going to vote for a Republican no matter what, much less Palin.

No. What McCain is after are working class men and women. They don’t fall into one of the special interest groups – least not those that get the attention - which make up the Democratic party. The men will see Palin as refreshing, not just because she is hot, but because she doesn’t hate them. This is an unusual thing for these men. She will not be telling them they should feel guilty just because they are guys. The women in this group, well they have kids. And they tend to like their men. They may not be hot now, but they remember a day when they could turn heads.

Dino should be begging Palin to come campaign for him.

Goodbye Obama. It was fun for a while. Hello Palin.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A wisper can start an avalanch.

9/21/2008 10:01:00 PM  

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